main tumhaaree bhookh hoon

ham thodee der ke lie chup rahe


Mainne agalee subah apane phon mein baat kee. chhhavi? doosaree taraph se aavaaj aaee. vatsala. mainne usakee aavaaj pahachaan lee. haan. kya ho raha hai? mainne poochha, abhee bhee meree aankhen nahin khul rahee hain. aaliya ko bulaaya. usane aapako use vaapas bulaane ke lie kaha hai. aap use kol praapt nahin kar rahe the?  usane kaha. hamm. ..me so raha tha. mujhe laga. vaise bhee, main ek ghante mein ghar vaapas aa jaoonga. kya aap chaahate hain ki main aapako raaste mein kuchh praapt karoon? kuchh doodh, mainne javaab diya, meree aankhen kholana. chhat parichit nahin lag rahee thee. main doob gaya. zaroor. kya aapako aur kuchh chaahie? vatsala ne poochha. main kahaan hoon? mainne bahut aashchary se poochha. kya? main pichhale din se garm aadamee ko dekhane ke lie apanee taraph muda, tushaar-bistar par mere bagal mein let gaya. uh oh. vatsala .. ’chhavee? namaste? namaste?

main tumhaaree bhookh hoon


 are, main tumhen nahin sun sakata-vahaan hai bahut adhik yaataayaat. yadi aap kuchh aur chaahate hain, to mujhe ek paath bhejen, vah sahaayata aur trishanku. main dheere se bistar par baith gaya, apanee aankhon ko ek baar bhee tushaar se door nahin kiya. main ek minat ke lie ruk gaya, nahin ja raha tha, use pichhalee raat sote hue dekh raha tha. kuchh bhee vaapas nahin aaya. meree dres gaayab thee. mainne usakee taraph dekha. vah apanee peeth par jhooth bol raha tha, usake shareer ka ooparee aadha hissa ujaagar ho gaya. main unake siks-paik ebs kee rooparekha dekh sakata tha. vaastav mein ek drshti, lekin us minat mein mere dimaag mein ek hee savaal tha - kya ham aaut hone se pahale ya baad mein paas hue the? mainne socha ki mujhe kya karana chaahie. utho, kapade pahano aur baahar nikal jao? nahin, yah itana bachakaana aur chikan-eesh hoga. use lagata hoga ki main subah ke baad usaka saamana nahin kar sakata. isalie, main ek achchhe vichaar kee tarah door ho gaya. isalie, mainne dheere-dheere apane kapade uthae aur vosharoom ke lie apana raasta bana liya. jab main vaapas aaya, to mainne tushaar ko vaise hee paaya jaise mainne use chhoda tha. mainne kamare mein chaaron or dekha.

main tumhaaree bhookh hoon


 kya hamane kal raat ek hotal ka kamara kirae par liya tha? jaahir hai. main yahaan aur kaise samaapt hua? mujhe vishvaas nahin ho raha tha ki mainne vaastav mein aisa kuchh kiya hai. haan, mainne ek baar pahale ek aadamee ke saath rahane ke lie ek motal kamara kirae par liya tha. lekin vah alag tha. yah alag hai jab aap ladake ke saath rishte mein hote hain. lekin yah.. . main koee aisa vyakti nahin tha jo nashe mein ho jaata hai aur yaadrchchhik ajanabiyon ke saath baahar nikalata hai. mujhe bhee theek se yaad nahin tha ki mainne kya kiya tha. main sust mahasoos kar raha tha aur khud par itana laaparavaah hone ke lie gussa tha. mujhe sirph yah jaanana tha ki raat se pahale kya hua tha. agar keval yah anumaan lagaana ki mere maata-pita kitane bhayabheet the, to kya ve jaanate the. main tushaar ke bistar kee taraph chala gaya aur chupachaap baith gaya. mainne usake kandhe ko dheere se chhua aur kaha, umm. .. tushaar? jaage hue ko yaad karane kee koshish karana ki kya hua tha. haalaanki, uthana aur taiyaar hona aisa lag raha tha ki, top ap .. hamm?  usane lagabhag turant apanee aankhen kholeen. main thoda saham gaya tha. main, uh, suprabhaat, mainne bhedachaal se kaha. chhhavi!  usane kaha, bistar par baithe. irm, haan. haay, main muskura diya. mujhe nahin pata tha ki aur kya karana hai. vah kuchh bhee kahane se kataraate the. thodee der ke lie vah bas mujhe ghoorata raha. isane mujhe pareshaan kar diya. tushaar, main ... kal raat kya hua tha? mera matalab hai-kya aap jaanate hain ..? "unhonne ek pal ke lie meree taraph dekha aur kaha, aapako ya to yaad nahin hai?  mainne apana sir hilaaya. aap bhee nahin! hamaare yahaan aane ke baad nahin, usane kamare ke chaaron or dekhate hue kaha. theek hai. lekin kya aapako yaad hai? ham yahaan kaise pahunche? mainne poochha. la. aapane mujhe apane kamare mein le jaane ke lie kaha. aapake paas hotal mein kamara aarakshit kyon hai?  main yahaan nahin rahata, mumbee mein. main yahaan vyaapaar ke lie hoon, unhonne samajhaaya. aap kahaan rahate hain? to aap kahaan hain. mera matalab hai-mera koee sthaayee nivaas nahin hai. main bas idhar-udhar jaata hoon, aap jaanate hain, jahaan bhee kaam karana hai. kol. ham thodee der ke lie chup rahe, hamaare vichaar pichhalee raat ko vaapas aa gae. mainne use mujhe apane kamare mein vaapas le jaane ke lie kaha tha. kalpana keejie. main vaastav mein ek raat ka staind tha. yah ajeeb laga, mujhe kabhee bhee dekhane kee ummeed nahin thee. un mein se ek mein. mujhe aur jaanane kee jaroorat thee. isalie, hamaare yahaan pahunchane se pahale kya hua tha?  mainne samaan roop se poochha. sabhee ko yaad hai ki ham wright nrty kar rahe the. ham nrty kar rahe the, aur phir aapane mujhase poochha ki kya aap garm dikh rahe hain, unhonne kaha. mainne aisa kiya?  mainne poochha, aashcharyachakit. haan. aur phir aapane poochha ki kya main vaastav mein chaahata tha? aur aapane usase kya kaha? mujhe koee aapatti nahin hogee, usane apane chehare par ek khoee huee muskaraahat ke saath uttar diya. kya? aapane ise pasand kiya hoga mainne kaha tha ki nahin? mainne ek pal ke lie socha. yah kahate hue ki usane mujhe avaanchhaneey paaya hai. aur yah mera seedha apamaan hoga. mujhe nahin lagata, mainne muskuraate hue sveekaar kiya. usake baad, aapane mujhe peene aur dhoomrapaan karane ke lie majaboor kiya tha? mainne poochha, usake shareer par ishaara kiya. chhah phut lamba ek aadamee peene ke lie majaboor tha, usakee ichchha ke viruddh, enoreksik modal, ha! theek hai, main maanata hoon ki mainne thoda sahayog kiya, unhonne kaha. to, main sharaabee ho gaya, tum sharaabee ho gae. main patthar ho gaya, tum aur bhee patthar ho gae. aur baakee itihaas hai. kya hamane seks kiya hai? mainne poochha, baahar nahin karane kee koshish kar raha. mujhe nahin pata ki main abhee bhee apane mukkebaajon mein hoon. . . isalie, unhonne kaha. mainne dekha tumane dekha? mera matalab hai ki mainne jaanch kee. mainne kaha. chek kie gae? jo bhee ho, tushaar daaran. main aapake saamane kyon nahin utha? mujhe cheking karane vaala hona chaahie tha, unhonne kaha aur apaar nukasaan kee abhivyakti kee. mujhe achchha laga. par kyon? vo mujhe nanga dekhana chaahata tha. achchha mahasoos karane ke lie kya tha? ishkabaaj, mainne kaha. aur shaayad sharama bhee gae. zaruree nahin. main phlart nahin hoon. lekin, mujhe nahin pata ki main hamesha aisa kyon karata hoon jab main aapake saath hoon. mujhe lagata hai ki mujhe sammaanit mahasoos karana chaahie? mainne muskaraaya. aah yes. aapako nishchit roop se chaahie.  zaroor. ab, vishay par vaapas-kya ham ya ham nahin the? agar hamane kiya to kya hoga aur agar hamane hot kiya to kya hoga?  usane poochha. donon maamalon mein-main jaanana pasand karoonga mainne kaha. dekhie, agar aap niraash hain ki hamane nahin kiya, to ham ab kar sakate hain. mere paas vaastav mein koee mudda nahin hai, vah dushtata se muskuraaya. itana udaar hai aap! lekin-nahin, dhanyavaad. mujhe lagata hai ki main paas ho jaoonga. main nashe mein nahin hoon. ya patthar maar diya.  aap neech hain. unakee nakalee-aahat abhivyakti supar-kyoot thee. main hansa aur vah shaamil ho gaya. lekin jald hee, ek vichaar ne mere dimaag ko paar kar diya aur muskaan ko mita diya. tushaar, yah haan, kyon? aap mujhe kal raat ke lie chaarj karane nahin ja rahe hain, kya aap hain? nahin hua! hamen yakeen bhee nahin hai ki hamane vaastav mein yah kiya hai, batua?  usane chheda. gambheer tha. kya aapako yaad hai ki pichhalee raat se pahale isamen kitane the?  mainne poochha. haan. chaar, usane kaha. chaar? kyon? isase pahale ki main umm ko rok paata, yah saamane aa gaya. seks ke lie, ho sakata hai?  usane majaak kiya. beshak, main chehare par thoda laal ho gaya. vaise bhee. ab aapake paas kitane hain? chaar, unhonne jaanch kee aur kaha, oh, isalie agar hamane seks kiya hai, to hamane bina suraksha ke kiya.  main unake teeem kleen se mila, unhonne kaha. mera matalab yah nahin hai! "aap ise kandom karate hain. aankhen. aapake paas kuchh hai. unhonne poochha, to tum achaanak bahut chintit dikh rahe ho. nahin! main nishchit roop se aisa kuchh nahin karata, jo mujhe unakee abhivyakti par hansee aae. vah itana chintit lag raha tha ki main use chumban jaana chaahatee thee. oh! ek pal vahaan ke lie, aap mujhe chintit ho gaya. .. vah raahat mein sighaid. main apane sir hila kar rakh diya. nahin, main kya matalab tha-kya hua agar main garbhavatee ho? "aap ek main praapt kar sakate hain -golee. bas tasallee ke lie. uh. sahee. ham doosare ko ghoorate rahe, koee andaaja nahin tha ki aage kya kahana hai. .mainne kaha. umm ... aap ek kaatane ke lie neeche jaana chaahate hain, pahale? oh, nahin dhanyavaad. main theek hoon mainne apanee cheejen ekatr keen aur vah mujhe daravaaje tak le gaya. alavida, phir, mainne kaha. main, uh, kya main aapaka nambar le sakata hoon? usane poochha. pahalee baar jab se main unase mila tha, vah thoda sharmeela lag raha tha, lagabhag ek skoolee bachche jaisa. aur yah behad pyaara tha. mainne apanee muskaan ko banae rakhane kee bharapoor koshish kee. mujhe rahasyamay abhinay karana chaahie, mujhe pata tha. doston aisa hee hai. lekin, chalo! use dekho. vah nishchit roop se sundar logon mein se ek tha. aur vah poochh raha tha ki kyon?  mainne usakee taraph dekha aur maasoomiyat se poochha ki shaayad ham kabhee mil sakate hain .. oh? jis tarah se aapako kal mera naam pata chala usase aapako yah kyon nahin mila?  usane nim ko dekha aur thoda sir hilaaya, ek dheemee muskaan usake chehare par reng rahee thee. agar aisa hai to aap ise kaise chaahate hain. nambar. main muskuraaya aur chhodane ke lie badal gaya. aur chhavee? haan? main usaka saamana karane ke lie vaapas muda. vah achaanak kamar se usake prati mujhe kheench liya aur mujhe munh par dheere chooma. mithaee, bahut-chhotee chumban kee tarah hai ki chhod deta hai aap aur adhik ke lie taras. main pahalee baar mein chaunk gaya tha, kyonki mainne ise aate hue nahin dekha tha. mujhe gaard ne pakada tha. aur jab tak mujhe ehasaas hua ki kya ho raha hai, vah pahale hee khatm ho chuka tha. main aur adhik chaahata tha ... itana adhik! bas agar mujhe pichhalee raat aisa karane ka mauka nahin mila, to unhonne kaha. main sharama gaya aur door hat gaya, shabdashoony. main bolane kee haalat mein nahin tha. us samay mere dimaag mein jo kuchh tha vah ek vichaar tha-mujhe kal raat apane hosh mein hona chaahie tha. yah itana behatar hota. namaste? mainne us din doosaree baar phon par vatsala se kaha. aap kahaan hain? usane poochha. ghar kee or nikal chuka hoon. aapako vishvaas nahin hoga ki kya hua tha. vatsala. mainne ek yaadrchchhik ladake ke saath raat bitaee. ek garm yaadrchchhik nashe mein kal raat aur use apane hotal ke ladake ke paas le jaane ke lie kaha. mujhe kamara mil gaya. kya tum kalpana kar sakatee ho? nahin, main kalpana nahin kar sakata! sach? main use aashchary mahasoos kar sakata tha. tum log karate ho?  haan mujhe lagata hai. jo mujhe yaad dilaata hai, mujhe ek aaee-pil milanee chaahie.  mainne ek phaarmesee stor ke lie chaaron or dekha. kya tumane socha ki tumane kya kiya? aur aaee-pil? aapaka matalab hai ki aapane suraksha ka upayog nahin kiya? mujhe yaad nahin hai. main nashe mein tha. mujhe yakeen nahin hai ki hamane is maamale ke lie bhee seks kiya tha. chhavee, kya tum paagal ho? aap kitane gair jimmedaar ho sakate hain?  vatsala ne kaha aur mujhe turant pachhataava hua ki usane phon par use sab bata diya. ek badalaav ke lie jab vah ek jimmedaar vayask kee tarah kaam karatee thee, to usake chehare ko dekhana majedaar hota. sard. pahale mujhe ghar aane do. aur phir tum mujh par chilla sakate ho jo tum chaahate ho, mainne kaha. theek. main intajaar karoonga, usane kaha aur lataka diya. saare ghar mein, main muskura raha tha. main maanata hoon ki yah sab kuchh gadabad tha aur sab kuchh, lekin phir bhee yah majedaar tha. ek garm ajanabee jagah par jaagana, lagabhag nagn, usake bagal mein letakar yah pata lagaane kee koshish karana ki hamane pichhalee raat seks kiya tha ya nahin ... yah kuchh aisa tha jo mainne keval philmon mein dekha tha aur mere aasapaas ke logon ke saath hua tha. mainne socha ki kyon kya hua, ya nahin hua, isake baare mein mujhe doshee mahasoos nahin hua. shaayad main un buree ladakiyon mein se ek mein badal rahee thee. ya shaayad yah isalie tha ki mujhe tushaar pasand aane laga tha. aisa ho sakata hai.
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