koee seting sanlagn nahin hai, Part-1

ek baar bhee nahin


agar ankit ne mujhe yah bheja hai, to vah aaj raat apane jeevan ka samay hai, vatsala ne kaha, mej par baithe orkid ke vishaal guladaste mein chaudee aankhon ko ghoorate hue. yah kam se kam chaar pheet lamba aur do pheet chauda tha. aur yah sundar tha. jaahir hai agar aap phool bhejate hain to aapaka kya matalab hai? "mainne ek pal ke lie phoolon se apanee aankhen nahin hataate hue poochha. vatsala ne mujhe bina dekhe kya dekha?  mainne poochha.  main is pate par rahane vaala akela nahin hoon, moorkhataapoorn! ve aapake lie ho sakate hain! main?

koee seting sanlagn nahin hai, Part-1

 kaun mujhe phool bhejega? mujhe koee pata nahin hai,  mainne aasha ke khilaaph ummeed karate hue kaha ki ve tushaar se the. oh, mainne aisa chaaha ki yah tushaar tha! mere dil kee dhadakan badhane lagee. vatsala ne mere dimaag ko padha, "tushaar. . . shaayad? naah! ankit ne aapako bheja hoga. tushaar aur main us tarah ke rishte ko saajha nahin karate hain, mainne apanee ummeedon ko bahut ooncha nahin karane kee koshish kee hai. mainne guladasta vaapas dekha. tushaar se ho jaane do. ise tishaar se hone do. ise tishaar se hone do. ankit ne mujhe gulaab bheja hoga, usane kaha ki vaastav mein tet kee jaanch hai? usane kaha, chhote kaard mein chhipe hue phoolon kee or ishaara karate hue. theek hai, mainne kaha. main vyaavahaarik roop se rahasy se mar raha tha! koee naam nahin hai, ke lie ya se .. vatsala ne not padhe: chalo, isaka saamana karo-tum meree tarah. dekhie, inakaar karane se koee phaayada nahin hai. aap ise ab chhipa nahin sakate. mujhe pata hai ki ham ise phir se pasand kar rahe hain, isaka koee phaayada nahin hai. ab aap bhee. main ise nahin chhipa sakata. punashch. mujhe sveekaar karane ke lie majaboor karane ke lie yah bahut chaalaak tha! hamen naam kee jaroorat nahin thee. "tushaar! vatsala baahar jaane do. bahut bura ankit ne mere lie aisa kuchh karane ke baare mein nahin socha tha. main aaj bahut udaar mahasoos kar raha tha!  mainne kuchh nahin kaha. main kuchh bhee nahin kah sakata tha. mainne yah bhee nahin suna ki vatsala ne kya kaha. mere dimaag mein kuchh baaten theen. tushaar tushaar. tushaar. main muskuraaya. muskuraaya nahin, vaastav mein. mujhe nahin pata tha ki main abhee bhee pyaar mein itanee moorkhata karane mein saksham hoon. ek minat-mujhe chinta ho rahee thee ki kya mujhe bhee tushaar ke lie ek aur cheej se jyaada matalab hai, aur agale-main dee kishor kee tarah sharama raha tha, jo bas ke lie poochha gaya tha usake gupt krash dvaara nrty. mere chehare par vaastav mein vah moorkhataapoorn abhivyakti thee. koee bhee sochata hoga ki aakhirakaar vah vyaavahaarikata mere chaaron or thee. mera pesha, main bada ho gaya hota. lekin nahin. main abhee bhee bahut chirasthaayee, shaashvat prem mein vishvaas karata hoon. main abhee bhee ek tom krooj junoon ke saath bahut jyaada bachcha tha. keval, ab isaka ek alag naam tha-tushaar to, tum aaj raat baahar ja rahe ho? vatsala mujhe apanee shraddha se vaapas le aaee. mainne phoolon ko dekha, phir bhee muskura raha tha. usane haan ke roop mein liya. aur aap baahar karane ja rahe hain? mainne ek tatasth abhivyakti banae rakhee, yah mushkil tha. main andar hee andar khushee se phoot rahee thee. kya? mujhe batao! tum kya sochate ho? mainne dheere se kaha. tushaar aaj raat apane jeevan ka samay bita raha hai! main bas muskura diya. vah yahaan hai, vatsala ko rahane vaale kamare se bulaaya, use andar jaane diya. bas ek sekand,

koee seting sanlagn nahin hai, Part-1

 mainne vaapas bulaaya. mainne unase yah nahin poochha tha ki unaka pata kaise aur kaise hai. mujhe pata tha ki vah mil gaya hoga. jaise taise usane mera naam jaana. aur fon nambar kya aapako meree zaroorat hai? vatsala ne poochha ki vah daravaaje se mere kamare mein jhaankatee hai. mekap? dres ka chayan? gaun milaan? phutaviyar ka phaisala? vah unamen se kisee ke baare mein pahalee baat nahin jaanata tha. haalaanki usane apanee alamaaree se ek saath saamaan rakhane ka ek bahut achchha kaam kiya, lekin isaka matalab yah nahin tha ki vah isake saath koee madad kar sakatee thee. yah denims aur teez nahin tha. phir bhee, asabhy aavaaj nahin karane ke lie, mainne poochha, main kaise dikhata hoon? theek hai main sahamat hoon. main thoda ghabaraaya hua tha. thoda bahut. bahut sundar. haalaanki, aapake baalon kee tarah mud, vah manaaya. achchha lag raha hai? kharaab? mainne ise uddeshy se mod diya tha. ghanton ise chakhate rahe. aur vatsala duniya kee ekamaatr ladakee ho sakatee hai jo isake lie mud shabd ka upayog karegee. yah theek hai, mujhe lagata hai, vah sharma gaee. aur ek chehara banaaya. ek svipht moovament mein, mainne apane baalon ko pakade hue klip ko hata diya aur apane sir par pin karake baalon ko dheela chhod diya. mainne any sabhee pinon ko bhee hata diya. mainne usake savaal ko gaur se dekha, apane baalon ke maadhyam se apanee ungaliyaan chala raha tha. behatar hai, vatsala ne sir hilaaya. mainne aakhiree baar aaeene kee taraph dekha. mainne ges kee yah bhavy hare rang kee poshaak pahanee huee thee, jisamen har jagah se kaaphee kuchh saamaan tha. phir bhee, isane mujhe kam se kam asahaj nahin kiya. choonki main minat mein koee vazan nahin utha raha tha, isalie mujhe us aankade ko bhadakaana achchha laga, jisake lie mainne itanee mehanat kee thee. aur mujhe pata tha ki tushaar dekh raha hoga mainne apana haindabaig pakada aur living room mein chala gaya. jab mainne tushaar ko dekha to mujhe khushee huee ki usane kuchh suparaheero graaphik tee-shart nahin pahanee hai. main yah nahin kah raha hoon ki main un logon ko pasand nahin karata tha, lekin ve meree poshaak nahin chaahate the. main pooree tarah se usakee kameej ko sveekaar karata hoon, haalaanki vah chala gaya hai. yah chaarakol gre tha aur usane use ek sapane kee tarah dekha. main apanee aankhen usase nahin hata saka. mujhe vishvaas nahin ho raha tha ki vah mujhe baahar le ja raha hai! yah bhee sachcha hona achchha tha. usane mujhe har inch dard se dheere se dekha. jab vah kiya gaya tha, vah meree aankhon mein dekha, shabdaheen. unhonne yah sab kaha, ve aankhen. shabd anaavashyak the ham?  usane mujhe apanee baanh dee. zaroor, mainne javaab diya. vatsala ne band rakha, shukr hai? usane poochha, meree aankhon mein dekhate hue main nahin jaanata ki tumhaara kya matalab hai, mainne kaha, yah jaanakar ki usaka vaastav mein kya matalab hai | isake baad aap kya karana chaahate ho? aapake dimaag mein kya hai? haalaanki main anivaary roop se ek ladakee nahin thee, jo ishkabaaj thee, jab bhee main tushaar ke saath thee, phlarting svaabhaavik roop se mere paas aaee. mainne shuruaat mein aapako raatribhoj ke baad raatribhoj par le jaane kee yojana banaee thee ... lekin ab ... mujhe nahin lagata ki mujhe peene mein vishesh roop se dilachaspee hai isalie kyon? koee khaas vajah?  main pahale se hee nashe mein hoon, unhonne kaha. mujhe peene kee jaroorat nahin thee. aap kaaphee nashe mein hain. to agar ra launj nahin. phir? aapaka sujhaav hai ki hamen kahaan jaana chaahie? vaapas mere hotal mein. tum itane sookshm ho, yaar! ek poorn sajjan, mainne majaak kiya. aap sajjan chaahate hain? umm .. mujhe lagata hai ki mujhe badamaash pasand hain. vah muskaraaya. vah us raat mujhe bloo phrog mein le gaya aur hamane vahaan apana dinar kiya. lekin ek saamaany niyam ke roop mein, hamane aur adhik thaar kee baat kee, jisase ham donon ke lie tebal par baithana mushkil ho raha tha, jisamen hamaare shareer ka koee bhee bhaag sparsh nahin kar raha tha. yah ajeeb tarah ka tha, main sahamat hoon, usake saath nagn rahane ke lie aur adhik samay bitaane ke lie, mere kapadon ke saath, har samay jab ham pahalee baar mile the tab se hamane ek saath bitaaya tha. lekin yah romaanchakaaree 0 kee tarah tha. aur mujhe pasand aaya. haalaanki mujhe usake saath bhaavanaatmak roop se judane mein koee dikkat nahin hogee. kyonki vah ek achchhe aadamee kee tarah lag raha tha aur vah nishchit roop se koee tha jise main adhik niyamit aadhaar par dekhana chaahoonga. oh, main kaun majaak kar raha hoon? kya mainne aapako pahale hee nahin bataaya ki main usake saath pyaar mein tha? main pahale se hee usake lie shaareerik laalasa se bahut adhik mahasoos kar raha tha, lekin mujhe yakeen nahin tha ki vah kya mahasoos kar raha tha, ya vah kya dekh raha tha. to tab ke lie mainne phaisala kiya-shaareerik bhaageedaaree ke lie paryaapt hona chaahie. aur main kuchh shaareerik bhaageedaaree ko taras raha tha. main ek achchha kaam chhipa raha tha ki main vaastav mein us minat mein kaisa mahasoos kar raha tha. lekin tushaar bhee koshish nahin kar raha tha. ephechee kaaphee spasht roop se seeng ka bana hua tha. kaaphee. mainne mej ke neeche apane pair kee ungaliyon ka upayog karane ke baare mein socha, lekin gareeb aatma ke lie daya ke ek aakasmik mukke ke kaaran nahin tha. us raat unhonne mere saath bahut achchha vyavahaar kiya tha. mere paas sirph ek mudda tha- usane us raat meree taareeph nahin kee thee. ek baar bhee nahin. kisee cheej par nahin. Jab aap ek ladake ke lie dres ap karate hain, to vah bhee aisee dres mein, jisakee keemat aapake paas ek paisa ho, jo ek chhote se gaanv ko ek saal tak khila sake-aap nishchit roop se badhaee ke paatr hain. sudhaar-aap ek prashansa arjit karate hain. phir bhee, phoolon ke baad, aur sabhee wining aur khaane ke baad, unhonne anaavashyak dukh ko bakhshane ke laayak banaaya isalie mainne apane panjon ko apane pampon mein rakha. main isake bajaay tebal par thoda aage jhuk gaya.

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